I Believe in Signs

I got nostalgic tonight, for some reason. Pulled out the DVD that had Miss M's first Christmas and birthday on it and curled up on the couch to relive those precious moments.

First, I got teary-eyed over how much she's changed in the course of 7 months. It's amazing. Watching her awkward first steps, listening to her call everything in sight "DOG!," and seeing her face light up at the sight of her birthday balloons. I'm am fighting tears as I sit now and write this.

My sweet reminiscing was rudely interrupted when I realized the sperm donor was about to make an appearance about halfway through the recording of her birthday. It was the last time he saw his daughter. He couldn't be bothered with showing up for her first Christmas, nor could he make the effort to arrive at a timely and baby-friendly hour on her birthday. Sure enough, after all the birthday gifts where unwrapped and played with, and the birthday cake served, here he came waltzing through the front door.

About this time, Miss M came to curl up with me on the couch... tired of figuring out how her name was coming out of the television. I snuggled with her as I was overcome with sorrow and anger. Sorrow in that she is frozen in time to him at that age. He has no idea the little person she's developed into since that time. Sorrow for her because he doesn't give a damn about her to find out who she's become. Anger for him being an ass and deciding this precious little girl is nothing in his eyes. My tears spilled over my eyelids, onto my cheeks... and my lap was filled with a wet warmth.

Yes folks, she peed on me. Right as I was giving into the heartache and emotions that my seeing him and reliving the day caused, my little girl brought me back to the here and now. And for that, I am ever so grateful. I'm still a little weepy here and there, but I think that's mostly due to having face the fact that my baby is growing up way too fast, and I absolutely HATE that.

Today I almost gave in. Almost gave into the past. And if it hadn't been for Miss M, I wouldn't have been able to keep my brave face on.

Dijon Mustard Turkey Burgers

1 lb. ground turkey
3 Tbsp. Dijon mustard
2 Tbsp. sour cream
3 Tbsp. Vidalia onions, minced
1 tsp. seasoned salt
1 tsp. white pepper

In medium bowl, mix together all ingredients until evenly distributed. Shape the mixture into 4 patties.

Now, you can grill these if you'd like, but I'm not much of a griller. Instead, I pan-fried each patty 5 minutes on each side. Make sure to let these patties sit before cutting into them, so as to not lose all their yummy juiciness... and they ARE juicy... and very flavorful. Miss M loves them just as much as I do, so they've gone into dinner rotation in our household.

The Opening

<---- See her? That's my life right there. My world revolves around her every second of every day, and I wouldn't change it for anything. She shall be referred to as Miss M. Miss M enjoys food. Seriously enjoys food -- eating it, seeing it, and sticking it in her nose and ears. (Yes.) She loves baths, begs for them. Squeals in eardrum-shattering delight any time she sees an animal of any sort. Reading books, running, dancing, singing, twirling in dizzying circles, and playing in the rain are among her favorites as well.

She says a multitude of words... surprises me every day with what she repeats. She picks up on things SO quickly. Is the most polite 18 month old I've met, saying please and thank you with no prompting at all.

She pats my back when she hugs me, as if she can sense that I need it. She's stingy with her kisses. (It absolutely crushes me when she denies me of one!) She's ticklish from head to toe, has an infectious belly laugh, can make herself burp on purpose, puts absolutely EVERYTHING in her mouth, has decided she's a big girl and wants to sit on the potty... and so much more.

She has no daddy, just someone who has chosen to be nothing more to her than a sperm donor. she doesn't know the word 'daddy.' But that's okay. She's got an amazing amount of love and support from my family... grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, and beyond -- as well as daily caregivers who give her structure and adore her. And hopefully, I'll someday have a man in my life who will LOVE to be a daddy to her. I've surrounded her with a great group of people, and while she doesn't know the concept of a daddy, she DOES know what it is to be loved and happy.

That's my Miss M, my sunshine, my life, in a nutshell.